Hi.
This is Harsh Gautam. Last few days
were sad. I can’t believe this I’m living this life as it is. So, day before
yesterday, I had some ethanol with Balaji. Turned out to be the worst decision
ever, it ruined the day and the next. My head wouldn’t stop hurting. Damn, I
didn’t work at all. I have my exam on 9th April. And, it is probably
the most important exam I’ll ever give but the motivation isn’t here. I do
nothing but procrastinate. I blame my weak memory and lack of concentration for
it. Also, my ability to completely ignore a problem no matter how big it is. I
should meditate or something. But, my problems stop me from doing anything
which has to be done regularly. I can’t get up at the time I want. I can’t
sleep at the time I want to. I can’t stop browsing the internet at the time I
want to. There is this weird feeling in my brain which is very much can be
described as ‘a feeling which makes me lazy, disinterested and unmotivated’. I
want to get rid of it. I tried getting my ass out of this chair and start
running. I even tried having a bath. Was it the alcohol I had? If it was, I am
never having it again. I am so irritatingly unproductive that I hate myself. I
watched the second episode of ‘Cosmos’ and I feel inspired and ashamed at the
same time. I wish I this feeling goes away, and I jump into the adventures of
science with full energy and will.
Later.
12:52:13 PM
